#Anyways I also used those Emotions to write a TS fic

[wellmaybetheresworms]

Have you listened to Domovoi? Because I have. And it’s given me Emotions.

[dolugecat]

How do you think the progression of Mob letting himself feel emotions freely again would work? I'm writing something that takes place after chapter 100, and I'm tempted to just have him feel like a tempest of emotions, because he removed the wall repressing his emotions. But I don't know if that's the right move. Anyway. I trust your judgement the most regarding Mob characterization, and wanted to ask your opinion on that. It's really important to me that every character is as faithfully characterized as I can.

>>Obviously manga spoilers, beware<<

Sorry for the late response!!! I’m honored that you think my opinion has any value lol, it’s ofc up to you to decide how to interpret mob! Don’t let others get in the way of your creativity! Everyone has different interpretations and is affected by media in different ways. That said, I’d be glad to share my headcanon for post-canon mob!

Personally, I think that Mob has demonstrated immense improvement on handling his emotions. By the end of broccoli arc, he is showed to have full control of his “explosion” via 100% trust and before that with 100% courage. We know from the epilogue that by the time a year has past from the last ???% moment Mob is well adjusted and can *express* his joy freely without restraint. My HC is that his difficulty after the confession arc would be with his emotional expression, not the emotions he feels. Think about it, mob spent the most of the series wearing a :| or a :o face. Blank. He worked out his body but not his facial muscles /j . He’s gonna have to relearn how to emote appropriately given social context. So this leads us to possible outcomes like:

Mob over-expressing facial expressions, like grinning too big it’s creepy

Mob being unable to hide facial expression, giving away his true feelings even if he’s trying to hide it

Mob misusing expressions or body language

Everyone Mob knows being disturbed (or amazed) at his sudden change from no expression to having expressions

Mob getting advice on how to emote properly from various friends

Those just some ideas and there a lot of possibilities. Also, with him being freed from his emotional shackles he can finally *talk* about his trauma. I wanna see fanfics about Mob and Ritsu talking about that childhood incident with his powers. About Reigen and Mob discussing what happened in Mogamiland or about all that he’s lied about. All you hurt comfort sl*ts would eat that up. Anyways, thanks for the ask anon, hope this helped give you ideas! Send me the fic when you are done!!!!

[writingisbetterthandying]

im not her - ts pt.3

hey… how y’all doing… sorry it’s been two months…

anyways! got the motivation and schedule cleared up so! i love this series sm just wish i didn’t have to be the one writing it 🥲

it’s fine it’s whatever it’ll just be done by the time series 6 is out lol

also earlier someone was like omg those (they said ‘your name’ but i knew they meant like y/n kinda thing) fics on wattpad? omg so lame kinda thing while i just had to go like what?!? no idea what those are never read one of those and then came on here to literally finish writing one of those

if this is getting too cliche idc but also i do but also ignoring canon whatevs it’s okay

hope you all like it! sorry it took ages!

tommy shelby x fem!reader

you may need a refresher so:

part 1 and part 2

tommy was fucked. well and truly fucked.

it was all he could think of in that moment, looking over your vanity in your shared bedroom. every time he glanced over, seeing nothing out of the ordinary, everything still as it should, he would anticipate a bright laugh interrupting his work, or charlie’s giggles as you played, but he would be met with silence instead.

you had been gone for three days now, charlie too, of course. none of your belongings had moved at all. it was torture. the maids steered further clear of him than before, and the silence of arrowe house returned again. not just the silence, but the coldness of the manor truly resonated with him. the halls seemed hallowed, and it felt nothing like the home it had grown into, though he was to blame.

he felt isolated- he was isolated. his family didn’t want to see him; esme and ada had quite a lot they did want to tell him, but they had been prevented from storming into his home and tearing him a new one. they did however, use the phone, and quite frequently too, which at one point tempted tommy to nearly rip the receiver out of its socket, but he composed himself in time to realize he would need it for updates about you.

you.

his wife.

his wife, who not only had he been stringing along for ages, but who had to live in the shadow of grace. who had to deal with all his shit with lizzie and may and now this fucking duchess.

tommy couldn’t fathom if anyone else in history had ever hated themself as much as he did in that moment. the few times he rang pol he got a short response, some lies about your well-being, but some genuine updates in the added presence of ada and karl in her cottage.

everyone felt extremely concerned about you. not only had you not spoken to anyone bar charlie, you were slowly becoming physically ill.

most of your days were spent with ada now, as everyone else was busy. they still had to continue on with business even if tommy was still holed up in arrowe house.

so far, you were bedridden, or sofa-ridden, a vacancy in your face, the color slightly drained, fatigue present. the only time any movement or genuine emotion present was an absolute sense of dread at the constant feeling of nausea.

once you had fallen asleep, polly and ada would join together over some gin, sharing the concerns they were too scared to voice around you.

they both suspected one thing, but they were too frightened to introduce that thought, that inkling to not only you, but tommy.

how were you supposed to raise a child of the man who had shattered your trust- your heart? you could of course, but a child wouldn’t be able to fix the damage already done.

everyone knew how overjoyed you were when ada found out she was pregnant- yes you had experienced martha’s and other women’s pregnancies, but despite the circumstances surrounding ada at the time, you were so supportive and at times, more excited than her.

everyone witnessed the brightness in your eyes as charlie called you “mama,” or any moment in which a baby would reach out to you, your face alight with happiness and unbridled joy.

you had always wanted to be a mother, something that wasn’t a secret by any means, but the recent events in your marriage put a halt to that all.

what tommy did was unforgivable, and polly and ada were both too concerned to even breech the topic with you.

but you were by no means dim, and you brought up the subject with them both one day when you felt well enough.

you were sitting in the parlor, a throw draped around your shoulders, a fresh pot of tea steaming in the center of the table.

your hands slightly shaky, weak with anguish and illness, you set your cup down, cautiously starting to speak. you quickly threw caution to the wind and ended in a near shout.

“pol, i’ve had an inkling, but am i- how do i say this- i- screw it! am i up the duff? am i having his child?”

they both paused mid-sip, not anticipating the slight outburst.

polly quickly recollected herself, placing her cup on the saucer.

“i can check if you’d like love, but i’m not sure if this is what you need to hear right now.”

your attitude quickly left and you receded back into yourself, wrapping the throw tightly around your figure.

“so i am with child,” you say slowly. you had thought of course, that it could be true, but you figured it had been stress and all the emotions, but polly was never wrong, and you weren’t sure what to do.

they were quiet, but nodded, allowing for you to process.

you’d keep the child. that was for certain. too many years had passed for you, and you wouldn’t know how many years or children you’d even be able to have in the future.

but how would charlie react? you’d hoped he would one day gain some new siblings, but the current situation was by no means ideal. he was young, but he was loved, and would never go ignored even if not biologically yours.

but how would tommy react? so much time had been spent envisioning your future with him, what had happened was never keyed in. you had somewhat foolishly assumed that once he was yours he would be yours wholly.

as your emotions heightened with such thoughts, some tears started to slowly make your way down your cheeks.

as you wiped them away, you spoke.

“you both must think me so foolish but i still want this. with him- i mean of course i do i’ve loved him since i can remember- but as of now i just don’t know if i can face him.”

“you aren’t foolish at all, dear. we’ll support you best we can. you can come with me and karl- god knows we have the space in london, but regardless of what you decide, we’ll be here for you,” ada said, her hand gently placed on yours- maternally almost.

you excused yourself to go back and rest, the two acknowledging you had a lot to deliberate over.

later that evening, there was a knock on the door. it was frantic, but polly opened it to find a composed looking tommy, dressed quite well for the time on a weeknight.

“and here i was thinking you weren’t home?” he said smugly.

“did you really need to stop by thomas? or are you here to fuck up things further with your wife? but if you really didn’t, then by all means, continue to act like you have anyone, because believe me, tom: no one is on your side.”

he slightly deflated but still bit back, “john doesn’t seem too upset with me,” to which she laughed at.

“john doesn’t seem to have much of a brain with the amount he thinks with his cock, so please, spare me the pity tom.”

they both chuckled a little, but he knew she was right, and ceded.

“i need to see her, pol,” she scoffed, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it swiftly.

“the last thing she needs right now is your presence thomas, or did you forget that you fucked some russian whore in your home?”

he grimaced, but tried to maintain calm.

“hard to forget. i need to see her pol, and i didn’t come here to play your little games.”

she exhaled some smoke.

“she doesn’t need to see you thomas.”

he sighed in frustration at his aunt’s indifference. not known for maintaining calm for long, he burst, slapping his palm against the table.

“i need to see her pol! now! enough with your little fucking games and let me talk to my wife!”

she chuckled briefly before her face hardened and she leaned forward.

“you have no right to come here after what you did thomas- fucking another in your home and abandoning her in that state. you’ve ruined your marriage, ruined the one woman who ever truly loved you, who devoted herself to you. three, four days go by and now you need her? then why was there another to begin with, aye? you have no right.”

he had to admit her words hurt, but he wouldn’t give up that easily.

“let me see her!”

once again, your presence stilled a scene.

days ago in the foyer, the mood still maintained, the tension of the yelling present but quiet filling the space.

now, in polly’s cottage, your husband looking relieved to see you, polly looking worried yet anger still laying behind her eyes.

not anticipating tommy’s presence, you froze mid step. dread washed over you, fear ebbing into your figure, a slight tremor consuming you as you stood, paused on the stairs.

as much as you normally would’ve immediately wanted to feel his embrace, that sense of security had fled. you only felt cold, felt so scared in his presence, the scene you left in arrow house returning in full force in your mind, infiltrating your thoughts that could’ve been joyful.

it was quiet. still, no one moved.

“i’d like for you to leave.” you could barely be heard, but the silence allowed every word to resonate with tommy.

“i need to talk to you love. i need you back home, at arrow house- i need charlie back too-”

you interrupted him, your voice still much softer than his. though slightly surprised by the apologetic tone, you just couldn’t at this time.

“i don’t care to listen to you grovel, tom. i’m asking you to leave,” tears once again building in your eyes.

this time, he attempted to approach you, stepping forward. you stepped back quickly, almost too quickly, to evade his touch.

polly was telling him to leave, but her words didn’t seem to make any sound. the tears picked up speed as you wordlessly watched your husband start to go, his eyes not leaving yours, his shouts of whatever it may have been left unheard.

it was all too much.

as tommy left, polly guided you to the settee, trying to console you as your emotions overtook your being.

you practically cried yourself to sleep, overworked with the night’s events.

tommy, miles away, drank himself to sleep in his study, alone.

polly felt as though she could barely sleep, unable to think of a happy ending for the two.

tags oops! they’re open!

@walkingonshunshine

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

It’s probably been said before, but I really liked how the All too Well short film showed a toxic relationship that wasn’t outright wrong, and reflected a real relationship anyone could end up in without even realising how toxic it is

It’s one of the reasons I really love all of your fics - those including/mentioning Charles (derogatory) always show how much of an asshole he is while showing how easy it can be to interpret his actions as ‘good’ depending on context (that’s not to say other fics are bad at all, but some are more blunt with the message that Alastair = naïve/innocent and Charles = pure evil than others) and how they’re both complicated people both outside and inside of their relationship. Because people wouldn’t stay or believe they’re happy in a relationship if they were miserable 24/7 (but that’s just my interpretation, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong)

yeah! a lot of TS songs work really well for Alastair because Taylor's dating history is a lot of men with narcissistic personalities who seek out partners much younger than them. I think that Charles and Alastair's relationship is something that would be seen as objectively wrong today, but not so much in the time period. if the story were happening today, Charles would be more like one of those men who dates 18 and 19 year olds because they're technically legal so it's not "wrong." and then we end up with situations like TS has been in, where she was a 19 year old in a relationship with a 32 year old.

using dear john as an example, (all too well is also great) the part where she says "my mother accused me of losing my mind but I swore I was fine" reminds me a lot of the scene between Alastair and Cordelia, where Cordelia is like "hey, I don't really like how he treats you, I think something's wrong" but Alastair insists that she doesn't know what she's talking about. manipulation and emotional abuse is really difficult to see the extent of from the outside, and it changes the way you think. Charles is undoubtedly extremely charismatic by nature, he's an aspiring politician who has spent his whole life trailing after politicians, he knows exactly what to say and when to get his way. Also from Dear John: "You are an expert at sorry, and keeping lines blurry"

I've definitely seen situations in fandom where fans start headcanoning certain characters as abusive and it just turns into trauma porn. I don't know if I've exactly seen that in this fandom but I think it's important to recognize that abusers aren't usually careless - they know when and where to abuse in order to get away with it. there's a series on netflix called maid that I really liked - it's about a woman trying to get herself and her daughter out of an emotionally abusive situation. It gives a really good look into where their relationship started, how it got to where it was, how hard it is to leave, and how easy it is to go back.

All in all, it's not like the way that Charles is depicted sometimes in fic isn't realistic - it's just not canon. that's okay, it's fan fiction for a reason. A lot of writers use fic as a projection of their own experience anyways. I just prefer to write him as emotionally abusive rather than anything else.

[cerinamroths]

Nirvana in Fire 2 Thoughts

The strongest quality of NIF2 is the emotional resonance it gives to the audience as it focuses more on the characters/family and less about the intricacies of the schemes and politics. Whereas I didn’t feel as much in NIF until its ending, I felt and cried so much throughout NIF2. Also “The Wind Blows in Changlin”?? More like a fucking tornado storms through Changlin!!!

Let’s start with how the one sentence google summary of NIF2 is a terrible spoiler! The description basically summarizes eps. 1-37! It states “Xiao Pingjing finally succumbs to the grief caused by the death of his brother and his father, and he leaves the capital to return to Langya Pavilion.” 

This kind of ruined it for me, bc I expected their deaths from the first few episodes & then I just waited for them to die... and then every happy scene of them just made me sadder knowing what’s to come... It’s like reading about Game of Thrones with a description “The remaining Stark family learns to play the game as the oldest son & father perishes...” LIKE WHAT EVEN

The OST is beautifully heartwrenching! My favorite one so far - I’ve been listening to it between watching and driving to/from work.

The OTP of this series IS Pingzhang and Qianxue. Sure, Lin Xi & Pingjing are fated and cute, but we didn’t get enough moments between them. You see PZ & QX teasing each other, supporting each other, respectively doing their duties, going to battle together, being intimate as much as one can be in a cdrama, etc. I’m sad they had to end but at least she did have a son and we got a happy ending through Lin Xi & Pingjing.

Speaking of that ending, I am so happy for Pingjing. When it comes to responsibilities, especially in that time period, one cannot be so lucky... but to have those military achievements and honor of defending His Majesty and then being free of responsibilities & duties to go live out the rest of your life with your love is the best gift one could ask for. It kind of makes you thankful that Minister Xun succeeded in dismantling the Changlin army...

In asian culture where one has to be successful, especially if there is a family legacy, I really admired Tingsheng for imparting that final advice to Pingjing - saying he doesn’t need to continue with Changlin or to be what PZ and TS was in the past... but to live his own life. 

Maybe it makes for a better story, but I was utterly pissed off at Minister Xun & The Empress! I rather have someone with committed evil intentions (like Marquis Xie & Yuanqui) than someone with misguided intentions. The only reason why they dismantled the Changlin family was to thwart them from possible evil future crimes!!! URGH. I do understand though, and the show makes sure to highlight it throughout, especially at the end in the last conversation between General Yue and Pingjing.

I really hated Puyang Ying... but that just shows how much of a threat he was! If he had grander plans than just taking revenge for the plague, he could have been as calculating as Mei Changsu. I really feel bad for his disciples not knowing he stole his king’s seal & tricking everyone to commit evil actions. And Yuanqi... I clearly see why he did what he did, but those moments in the earlier episodes when you see Yuanqi contemplate his morals... URGH he could have been so good! Poor fucking Anru! ): I’m surprised Marquis Mozi didn’t make appear at the end but that’s most definitely a future problem.

I can’t believe they used the actress for Xia Dong in NIF to be Madam Qi from Donghai in NIF2!!! Also holy fucking shit when Yuanqi burned her alive!!!

Pingzhang was the best male character of the series - he was the embodiment of a powerful warrior, intelligent mind, responsible-but-can-have-fun personality... the love for his family especially finding out he was adopted & saving his brother’s life was just so amazing!!!! 

Feizhan was the second best male character. He has such an unbreakable moral foundation. Now that is an example you can pit against Yuanqi... he will still make the right choices even if his family is in the wrong. Poor him for being in love with Qianxue! Bc in that life and in any other reincarnated life, it’s going to be PZ & QX buddy... unless AU OT3?! But anyways, how can you not admire his steadfast and resolute moral outlook!?

Pingjing grew on me throughout the drama. I understand that main characters must have flaws to overcome in a story, but he was really annoying in the beginning. Smart, but stupid with Lin Xi! He was so impulsive with court matters, that I wanted to facepalm & cringe so hard. But when he really had to grow up... man the change! ): 

My favorite moment is when the disbanded Changlin army reunites and is ready to go to battle for Pingjing to save His Majesty.

The battle at the Northern Border with the solar eclipse was also epic!!! I haven’t watched many Chinese Movies/Dramas, but it felt semi-reminiscent of Red Cliff and it made me yearn for more battle scenes.

From ep. 38 and on, I really like the plot they give to the side characters of Pei-er, General Yue, and his subordinate Tan Heng.

Little Emperor - ngl, my favorite moment was when he ordered to kill Yuanqi! Like YES, DIE YUANQI. But also I really enjoyed his relationship with Pingjing. That ending quote though took my heart:

“Older brother Pingjing, no matter where you will be from now on, do not forget your old friend here in Jinling. You must frequently write him back." 

I love the callbacks to NIF and those scenes made me so emotional especially when Tingsheng reminisced about Mei Changsu & his father Jingyan! Also wtf happened to Fei Liu! I’m annoyed that Commander Meng didn’t spend as much time teaching Qianxue & focused on the boys instead... especially when fucking Princess Nihuang led the entire Mu army and protected the southern border. It was nice to have Pingjing & His Majesty escape through the tunnel between Changlin Manor (aka Prince Jing’s Manor) and Sir Su’s residence!!!

There are barely any fics for NIF2!!! I really with for a time travel fic where maybe the NIF2 characters meet NIF1... or NIF1 characters come to the future and help Changlin Manor and let the world know what’s up (imagine Mei Changsu scoffing at Minister Xun & The Empress). Or even PJ going back to the start of the drama, showing how much he’s grown to his father and elder brother. Some fluff between PZ & QX and PJ & LX. 

Also with both NIF & NIF2, thank goodness Langya Court isn’t evil lol... because they are certainly biased!

Ending with a shot of Ce’er waving goodbye (so cute!). Hoping to start The Legend of Fuyao or The Rise of Phoenixes next. 

[unsurepotatohooman]

The Perfect Color

Fandom : TS Sides

Characters : Patton, Logan (Roman and Virgil are mentioned like once)

Genre : Fluff :))

Warnings : None

Word Count : 1884

Summary : Logan loves poetry, and Patton loves Logan. The moral side decides to mix the two.

A/N : I finally finished this story! It took about two hours to write after procrastinating for two and a half weeks and then I edited it a lil. I specifically wrote this fic for @dragonsaphirareads writing contest (who y’all should totally check out btw if you haven’t already). The song used is “Perfect Color” by SafteySuit which I happened to come across not too long ago and I loved it! It sounded so much like Patton so I had to give this a try!! Anyways, enough rambling. I hope you guys enjoy!

Work:

Patton gripped the paper in his hands as he made his way down the hall. He tried his best to keep from shaking but nerves were getting the best of him.

Everyone who knows Logan knows he loves poetry, but you would never know truly how much unless you paid attention. Patton always paid attention. He would observe Logan’s eyes and the way they sparkle like the stars. He would listen to the sound of Logan’s voice as his eyes scanned a particularly interesting piece, and he could hear the wall that Logan held his emotions behind break a little. He would giggle at the tone of Logan’s voice when he would assure Patton that he never sings, and that he only reads the poems. Though, he has rapped to Patton a few times on occasion before and after the video where he battles against Roman. Finally, Patton’s heart would swell as he saw the small smile adorn Logan’s features as he shared something so close with him to Patton, and the proud face he wore when Patton would reference something about poetry. Every time Patton got Logan to talk about poems, he would fall even harder for him.

This is why he decided to ask Logan for poetry lessons. They would visit the class room in Logan’s dream space and would write for hours every Sunday afternoon. Patton took a little while to catch on, and Logan got a little frustrated, but lesson after lesson Patton was finally understanding the concept of it, and had even written a few practice pieces for Logan. Logan was always pleased with Patton’s willingness to learn, and Patton found himself wishing the week away so he could see that smile on Logan’s face again.

It had been about four months since they had started those poetry sessions, and Patton finally admitted to himself that he had feelings for a certain tie-clad side. After a lengthy conversation with Roman, and another conversation with Virgil to help filter out the more... “extreme” suggestions from the creative side, Patton was ready to finally read his secret poem to Logan. He had begun writing it at about their third month in, and finally finished it last week. It took a whole week for him to work up the courage to even mention it to the logical side.

Patton walked up to the indigo colored door and eyed it with a timid expression. He closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths and tried to imagine that the situation wasn’t as intimidating as it seemed. Finally, he opened his eyes and knocked as cheerily as he could before he could put this off any longer. 

There were a few long strides from inside the room. Patton heard a lock click and the door slid open to reveal Logan, standing with his usual attire.

“Good afternoon, Patton.”

“Hey Lo lo!” Patton said happily even as the nerves were tearing him up from the inside.

Logan raised an eyebrow at the high pitch in Patton’s voice, but moved aside nonetheless.

“Actually Logan,” Patton started, “I was wondering if you could join me in my dreams space for this lesson.”

Logan gave Patton a skeptic look. “I don’t believe that will be a problem. Give me just a moment.” Logan walked back into his room and returned with a few notebooks and a journal full of his own poems.

“Oh!” Patton exclaimed, “You won’t need those. I’ve got us covered for today.”

“Oh?” Logan questioned, and Patton nodded.

“Yeah, I’ve got it! Don’t you sweat it!”

Logan looked down to his books and back to Patton. “Alright, I trust you Patton.” He then walked back in his room, placed the books down and joined Patton back in the hall.

“Ready?” Patton asked as Logan closed the door firmly behind him.

“Certainly.”

Patton took Logan’s hand and tried to ignore the color growing in his face. The two sunk down together and reappeared in Patton’s dream space, which at the moment, was pitch black.

“I must ask,” Logan started. “Why the sudden change? I know that change tends to not sit very well with you sometimes.”

“I just needed to try something new.” Patton smiled. He took his hand back from Logan, which helped his face to cool down, before snapping his fingers.

In an instant, the whole room around them began to change. Trees merged in from the darkness. In the branches there were fairy lights similar to the ones in Patton’s room. Their shoes disappeared revealing the ground underneath them as it turned to grass with various shades of different color flowers. Patton’s usual fatherly attire changed to a light blue, knee length dress. The rainbow trim matched the many different colored flowers in his flower crown. Logan had also gained a flower crown too of the same kind. Patton couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious when he saw color come to the logical side's face.

“P-patton, what’s going on?” Logan stuttered.

The moral side took a deep breath as he calmed the last bit of anxiety before finally speaking up. “I want to read you a poem.”

Logan had an intrigued but confused look on his reddening face. “You do?”

“Mhm.” Patton hummed, taking Logan’s hands again, “But I have to sing it to you.”

Logan didn’t even sigh at the fact that he was going to listen to another song, which Patton took as his que to begin. Music came from a record player that spawned near the tree line on the edge of the clearing as Patton began to sing.

Yellow nice to meet you

Do you know that you just blue my mind?

It was the perfect conversation, I think that I red about one time

I told a white lie when I told you, I’ve never been green with envy you,

You are the perfect color

Logan rolled his eyes at the very obvious word play, but immediately stopped when Patton pulled Logan to him and began to dance. The moral side’s voice filled the air as he led Logan through the flowy movements as they followed the song.

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh

The two sides spun around awkwardly, slowly sinking more and more into the music. Patton and Logan’s faces were both bright red as Patton moved into the verse.

To the misfit and the freaks,

To the outcasts and the geeks,

To the weird kids that don’t care

Cause you feel like you’re not there

To the ones who won’t look in

To the mirror because you’re scared

Don’t let the haters hate become your own, oh, no, no

The logical side focused on the lyrics as he looked down at their feet. Patton knew that Logan, like everyone else at some point in their life, had struggled with being the odd one out. With being the weird, nerd character in Thomas’ videos. Just like everyone else, Logan struggled with his own image and feelings on a daily basis. Patton knew he did even though it was difficult for many to see through Logan’s walls.

Now there is going to always be someone who thinks that art has no meaning

Who looks up at the Sistine Chapel and only sees a ceiling

But you, you you

Well you know what I would say to you?

You know what I would say to you?

Logan met Patton’s eyes as the moral side’s voice grew stronger with the emotion of the song. Their feet swept across the blades of grass as Patton led them along a little faster.

Yellow nice to meet you

Do you know that you just blue my mind?

It was the perfect conversation, I think that I red about one time

I told a white lie when I told you, I’ve never been green with envy you,

You are the perfect color

Their gaze broke as Patton’s face melted into a mischievous smile. Before Logan knew it, he was being twirled around by Patton.

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Patton pulled Logan back to himself allowing a small giggle to escape his lips during a pause in lyrics. Logan looked at him with wide eyes, but he didn’t say anything. The moral side took Logan by both of his hands and pulled back as he looked him in the eyes.

And in a perfect world

I’d get to say

It’s just black and white

There’s no room for grey

And there’s a color scheme inside every heart

Ours won’t be complete until we have yours

So yellow nice to meet you

Patton’s volume rose before falling into almost a soft whisper as he pulled Logan back in and the two began to slow dance, rocking side to side. The flowers in their crowns brightened as the song went on, the music fuling their vibrant shades.

Yellow nice to meet you

Do you know that you just blue my mind?

It was the perfect conversation, I think that I red about one time

I told a white lie when I told you, I’ve never been green with envy you,

You are the perfect color

Ooh, ooh, ooh

The music came back in full force, Patton’s voice rising back up with the volume as he poured his heart and soul out to the man he was holding and who was holding him.

Yellow nice to meet you

Do you know that you just blue my mind?

It was the perfect conversation, I think that I red about one time

I told a white lie when I told you, I’ve never been green with envy you,

You are the perfect color

Ooh, ooh, ooh

As the song came to a close, Logan spun Patton around before bringing the shorter of the two back in. Both of them were out of breath after all of the movement. The air filled with their breathless laughter as they clung to each other's arms. They slow danced for a while, even as the song faded out leaving them with the chirping of crickets and a light, blowing breeze.

“Logan?” Patton finally broke the silence.

“Hm?” Logan hummed, his eyes flickering to Patton as the moral side pulled away to look him in the face.

“I love you, so much. I had no idea how else to tell you.” He smiled sheepishly. “What do you think?”

Logan smiled. He smiled that smile that Patton loved so much that was reserved for the precious things in Logan’s life. The look that the taller of the two repressed to keep up his serious persona. He let down his walls to Patton, and Patton couldn’t ask for anything more as the words left Logan’s lips.

“I think we do make the perfect color.”

They pulled each other close and met in the middle as their lips touched. It was short and new but still filled with so much anxious passion that got both of their thoughts across quickly. When they pulled away, Patton burrowed into Logan’s chest as the two hugged, swaying from side to side as they enjoyed the last few moments of their Sunday afternoon together.

It’s safe to say that this became their new spot for their poetry meets.

[atelophobicity]

Top 10 Things You Shouldn’t Do If You Want to Finish Your Thesis On Time

It’s my entry for September! I’ve been busy in consuming new music, films, and kvariety episodes in my effort to catch up on everything. So, I decided to post monthly to fulfill my oversharing Tumblr needs and to exercise my skills in writing in English and putting thoughts into coherent words.

TL;DR of this: things I’ve done instead of doing my thesis for the past year and a half. I’m not romanticizing my not doing thesis self for the past 21 months, but I’m also not dissuading you from doing other stuff besides thesis because god knows, you will need something.

1. Got a part-time job. This was the first new thing I’ve done that really took my time and effectively gave me no time to do thesis. And yet, this was the most rewarding thing as I learned how to get my TIN, accomplish my deliverables, answer to my superiors etc. Looking back, I wasn’t the best employee and I deserved no job offers on the same company after. But still, it was a stepping stone in the right direction. Adulting-wise, anyway.

2.  Discover the art of creating.

Journal spreads. I bought a 2019 planner and I couldn’t fill it up, so I decided to turn it into a journal-planner. The art materials I used for to design pages are from old supplies bought back when I was in high school or stickers from the fandom-related events I attended. I didn’t spend money and I was given a chance to be creative.

Sew doll clothes. In K-pop, dolls that look like your idol exists. It usually comes with one set of clothes to dress it. As a “doll mother”, I wanted to dress them with new clothes but buying clothes was expensive. So, I just sewed clothes for them. I made clothes from scrap fabrics or clothes no one wears in our household. I’ve been barely successful, but it’s one of the things that keep me happy and make me feel like I’ve succeeded in one measly part of my life.

3. Purged my online files.

From my high school files. Nostalgia has been one of my coping mechanisms. I was able to be provided by lots of it when I discovered that I didn’t lose my high school files and it was on my mom’s laptop all along. Being able to relive memories while organizing my files was the best hours of that day.

To my external hard drives. Since 2016, I have been a hoarder of online files for so long that I have two EHDs to prove it. This time though, I was able to delete content that was either repetitive or uninteresting anymore. I was able to shave off some of my data bytes and am now able to save new interesting content available online (if I ever find one).

4. Realigned my priorities and consumption of K-pop as a stan and as a person by:

Selling 3/4 of my merch. Unlearning the pride that comes with owning K-pop merch was difficult, but overtime, I have been proud of myself for not falling to the traps of capitalism—at least in K-pop. Also! I was able to buy my own concert tickets with the stuff I sold so it is a win!

Joining giveaways instead. No matter how I can avoid the urge to buy K-pop merch, I still can’t help but want to own them. This is where I discovered how joining giveaways was my next best option. It takes a lot of effort and screenshots to win these things. However, if and when you win, it really feels like winning against the odds. You get free merch too!

Actually spent hours to vote and stream. In relation to the last point, since the main requirement in giveaways I’ve joined are voting/streaming proofs, I have been one of those people who collects points on voting apps or has a playlist of music videos that should be streamed. After collecting and/or streaming, I take screenshots, put watermarks there, and tags mutuals if needed. It’s relatively hard work but there’s a feeling of pride when your idol wins the poll or an MV reaches a certain amount of views and you know you participated in making that happen.

5. Rediscover Youtube. Channels like the vlogbrothers and their associates (Crash Course, Pemberley Digital among others), Buzzfeed’s shows (The Try Guys, Ladylike, Buzzfeed Unsolved) were a delight to watch after being out of the Youtube loop for so long. The platform also offered new niches of content and I allowed myself to be sucked in it. From Simply Nailogical to Ask A Mortician to amazing pop culture video essays like Lindsay Ellis and Jenny Nicholson, Youtube has all it for you! Learning something new every day is one of my favorite things and I get to do it with this website.

6. Rediscover my love of writing. (As if I’ve written anything for my thesis but here.)

Made drabbles. There is a weekly activity on my fandom where we write < 500 word drabbles on any pairings. I have been joining when I can, and through the support of the (small) community (back then), I gained confidence to write one. I’ve written at least four now and I’ve not done yet because I’ve been on a slump lately. But I’ll get back to it soon!

Short story. The same account that brought the drabble challenge created a festival where we write a pairing and write a short story with it. I decided to join the event! Not going to lie, my entry was shit, It was the first draft, it needed a lot of revisions and more constructive criticism and yet, I am still proud of it. It was the first creative fiction I wrote since 2019 and I did it in a day. And, I believe it has potential, so I’m going to review and revise the hell out of it someday.

7. Reclaim my college days.

Reconnected with orgmates. Visiting Elbi for registration and consultation purposes are brightened up by the fact that I get to do this. My first four years of college were not kind to me. I’ve forgotten a lot of things because of trauma and deep sadness that I still have until this day, and when I remember good things, they’re few and far in between. The numbered days I was in Elbi during 2019 were also few and far in between, but they were infinitely better than my academic years from 2015 to 2017. I was able to do the things I wasn’t able to do before (mostly attending Happy Ts and eating in newly-opened food places there) and I get to do it with people I love.

Made friends. One of the drawbacks of being a slot-driven student with no care of my coursemates’ schedules: I didn’t get to establish a friend group. So I didn’t get to make friends. During this time, I’ve accepted that I didn’t have any friends outside my organizations. But this time, instead of a feeling of dread of being that cliché orgmate, I feel relief and happiness because now, I realize that I do have friends from college, unlike the 2015-2017 who didn’t have anyone in college to rely on her darkest times.

8. Appreciated my friends more. For the past few years, I was the shitty friend. I agreed to go on hangouts only to message them that I’m backing out the last minute—sometimes I even straight up ghosted them. I really took my friends for granted. I have been slowly making it up to them by always attending when there’s an invite! I sometimes initiate the invite and it’s always a fun and healing time for me (it was a literal healing time for me as I was depressed during that time). I love them and I’m always thankful for them—and more so now than before.

 9. Unlearning things like:

Realizing that a priv (a private account meant to be seen by your mutuals you trust; usually contains unpopular opinions and hot takes on stan twitter) only encourages negative emotions and I must not do it again.

No matter how I tried rationalizing my hate for Jennie when the JenKai dating news happened, I was one of those K-pop stans who hated her because she dated my idol. (I have moved on past that and have started liking her and Rose.)

Knowing that attacking people for what they say won’t make them unlearn their wrong opinions. Not talking down at them and educating with patience is the key, always.

There are still so much more I unlearned and learned where those came from. My main takeaway is: it’s complicated.  Sometimes our opinion needs a more nuanced perspective and sometimes it needs to scrapped entirely because it was just wrong. But it is essential so we, as people, won’t be stuck with outdated views of the world.

10.   Learning something new like:

Practicing how to do Tzuyu’s helicopter hands until I realized it wasn’t meant for me.

Utilizing Omegle to look for potential quaranflings.

Installing Telegram and uninstalling to ghost quaranflings.

How to do laundry in compliance with my mother’s preferences.

Doing two things at once.

Enough patience to take time and read the laws our government makes every day to know what I’m fighting against.

Optimizing my Twitter lists and now I can keep up with current affairs (that takes a toll on my mental health) then scroll through a fic fest-centric list the next (that helps me forget the stress from reading news).

Learning something new every day has become one of my life goals. Knowing that the world always has something new to offer to me, a speck in this universe, warms me up and keeps me going. And you’ll never know where the new tidbits will lead you. Maybe it’ll help you reconnect with something you’ve known before, maybe it’ll change how you see things, or maybe it’s something new that once explored, it will contribute something new to the community. It may seem small and unimportant but with a tweak in perspective, it might be something worth doing and pursuing.

Looking back at my list, I can finally see how if I didn’t do all these things, I would have probably finished my thesis by now and probably working a full-time job, able to provide the financial needs for my family. There will always be regret that I am still not done until now. But stressing over my current predicament in this time when the world is in its most stressful state yet won’t help me. So, we soldier on and hopefully, hopefully get back to the thesis I’ve been meaning to do.

 Let’s get it.

[frangipanidownunder]

Revealing

Written for @lokisgame in response to an ask about how Scully managed to read fanfic on stake-outs as revealed in a previous story of mine. This is also my final entry to the dialogue only challenge for @txf-fic-chicks. You can read the companion pieces here: Tried and  Tested “Scully, do you want coffee?”

“Real coffee or the granules of dirt that someone puts into the old Nescafe jar at the refreshment station?”

“I was just going to the photocopier, so dirt I guess…”

“Fine. Double dirt please. And Mulder, can you collect my expenses reports? They should all be printed by now.”

“One double dirt with no cream or sugar. One doubly dirty great pile of expenses reports. What are you claiming for here, Scully? Every single pair of hose you’ve ripped in the line of duty, receipts for every lettuce leaf and carrot strip that comprise what you allegedly call lunch, Steristrips for all my boo-boos?”

“Mulder, printing out the report for all your boo-boos would take all year and the paper stock required would decimate the world’s remaining rain forests. This, on the other hand, is a month’s worth of standard X-Files expenses, and if you bothered to do any of your paperwork, Mulder, you would know that.”

“Scully, you know how much I love it when you dot all the Is and cross all those Ts for the team. Your manual dexterity is far superior to mine and I know how much you thrive on logic, rationalism and scientific fact. Expenses reports are nothing if not factual.”

“Really, Mulder? When was the last time you actually read one of these things? This one contains so much of your particular brand of ‘I Want to Believe’ dreaming that I’m pretty certain I could put your name to it and Skinner wouldn’t bat an eyelid.”

“Except that he knows I don’t write them and that would raise suspicions.”

“Well, thanks for the dirt and thanks for the non-input into this magical report where the unicorn accountants will stamp their approval with their rainbow hoofs and get you off the hook from your ridiculous claims by sprinkling fairy dust over the facts. Again. I’ll catch you later, Mulder.”

“Stake-out tonight, Scully. Don’t forget. Wrap up warm, bring your own thermos of real coffee and some quality reading.”

“By quality, I presume you mean something without pictures, Mulder.”

“Ouch, Scully. There’s another boo-boo to add to my collection.”

“So, what are you reading, Mulder?”

“Oh, just some stuff I printed out earlier. You know.”

“No, I don’t know. What stuff?”

“Nothing that would interest you.”

“No? Try me. We’ve got all night.”

“You first. You’ve been engrossed in your medical journal for ages now. Just how much fun can the ‘American Journal of Pathology’ really be? Or is December the Christmas special? Do you get extras like ‘World’s Most Bizarre Autopsies’ or Cause of Death word searches or…”

“Mulder, I’m reading about cutting edge research and technology. That’s pretty absorbing.”

“But you’ve been shifting around in your seat like whatever you’re reading is making you…”

“Making me what, Mulder?”

“Nothing.”

“You still haven’t told me what you’re reading. There doesn’t seem to be any naked skin on the cover, so that’s an improvement.”

“Sometimes, covered skin can be just as sexy, Scully. Don’t you think?”

“I haven’t really given it much thought, Mulder.”

“Because you’re totally engrossed in the latest article on cell injury and repair?”

“Have you been reading this journal too, Mulder?”

“I might subscribe…”

“You subscribe to the AJP?”

“You sound sceptical, Scully.”

“Would you believe me if I said I subscribed to Aliens Today?”

“There is no such journal, Scully. But there is an Aliens Tomorrow. I’ll sign you up if you’re serious. If it means one less quirked brow or roll of the eyes before we go on our next case, it might be worth the $29.95.”

“Last of the big spenders, Mulder. I’m touched. Anyway, there’s no sign of our suspect, yet. Trail mix?”

“Will nobody think of the guinea pigs? Our suspect is probably headed to the Bahamas as we speak. How did we land this gig, Scully?”

“I’d like to think that sometimes Skinner advocates for our mental wellbeing by provisioning cases that are actually restful, in a bizarre kind of way. Just sitting in a car, the two of us, talking, reading a little. Not getting abducted.”

“So it’s like one of those team-building exercises where we’re supposed to communicate, discuss the minutiae of our days, really find out stuff about each other. Is that what you’re saying?”

“Maybe. What do you want to know about me, Mulder? Some secret you think I’ve been holding back?

“Have you been holding back, Scully?”

“Have you?”

“I asked first. I was just wondering if being totally honest with each other would actually be beneficial to our partnership. Workwise, that is.”

“Workwise…I see. And by total honesty, you mean like some kind of truth or dare.”

“If you choose to see it that way. I guess.”

“Mulder, I am always honest with you.”

“Really?”

“Now who’s being sceptical? Yes, I am honest with you.”

“But you see, I’m not sure you’re being totally honest, Scully.”

“Truth or dare, Mulder. Just ask the damned question.”

“Are you really reading an article on cell injury?”

“Dare.”

“Ooh, Scully. I dare you to strip naked and run up and down the street three times.”

“Mulder, aside from the fact that if I do that three times I’m not going to get back to car, I don’t think that we should jeopardise our stake out on a dare like that.”

“So you’ve already reneged on your first dare. Truth, Scully?”

“Ask another question.”

“No. I want you to answer my first question truthfully. Are you reading about cell injury?”

“No, Mulder. I’m not.”

“And…”

“And, it’s my turn to ask you a question. Truth or dare?”

“Scully.”

“Mulder, are you reading Celebrity Skin?” “No.”

“Are you reading something pornographic?”

“Define pornography.”

“I think you know the answer to that better than I do, Mulder.”

“Scully, pornography is usually a selfish perspective – a male perspective. There is an element of distance, where the female, usually, is seen as an object rather than a person, as opposed to...”

“What?”

“Erotica, where the parties involved are willing, consensual and equally fulfilled by the activities.”

“Erotica.”

“Erotica is often seen as a more female oriented genre. It has a softer image than pornography. It seems more acceptable, almost more intellectual, cerebral.”

“Is that right?”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Scully.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I found your stories.”

“My what?”

“In amongst your expenses reports. Your erotic stories…”

“They’re not mine.”

“Scully, if there is an agent at the FBI who read ‘Alien’ fan-fiction I think I would have sat with him in the cafeteria on my first day here. Come on. I know it’s you. As I said, there’s no shame. Ripley is a great female character. Why wouldn’t you want to read about her, her adventures, her love life?”

“That’s not what it’s like…I…Mulder, I’m so…I don’t know what to say…I’m embarrassed.”

“Scully, you should know by now that there should be no secrets between us. None.”

“This is hardly a secret. This is just a…”

“A peccadillo?”

“You make it sound sordid, when you put it that way.”

“Scully, there is nothing sordid about sex.”

“Says the man with an obscene Triple X bill. I can’t believe I left that story in the copier. Supposing someone else had got hold of it. How humiliating.”

“Scully, please don’t feel embarrassed. I copied the story. I read it. It was well written, the narrative was strong, the characterisation was spot on.”

“Mulder, it was smut.”

“Yet it was still literary. That’s a skill.”

“It is one of the better ones I’ve read.”

“And how long have you been addicted?”

“It’s not an addiction! It’s a way to…relax. It sort of turns my brain off. Allows me to chill out, forget about the day, the case, the office politics, whatever.”

“I understand, Scully. More than you could ever know.”

“I guess some people drink, some people eat Doritos, some people inject heroin. I read fan fiction. I confess. Do I need the 12 step program?” “I get it, Scully. I really do.”

“But this is me, Mulder. This is the Ice Queen. Mrs Spooky. The professional sceptic. The spy in your ointment. I write the reports, I do the paperwork, I dot the Is, cross the Ts. I am not supposed to have feelings, or emotions, or to do the wrong thing. That’s you. I’m the one who follows the rules. I don’t print out erotic fiction in the office. I don’t read it on stake-outs. What? What’s this?”

“My confession.”

“Your what? I don’t understand. What is this, Mulder?”

“This is what I’ve been reading.”

“Mulder, this is fan fiction. I’ve read this one. It’s widely held…”

“To be the best of its kind in the fandom. I know. It’s great. I’ve read it multiple times. It kills me every single time.” “Are you teasing me?”

“No! I love this shit. It’s the perfect way to escape our work. I mean, I know you think I go home and watch porn or I go swing a baseball bat or shoot some hoops, but you’ll find that I’m more likely to be eye-deep in fan fiction – Alien, Star Trek, Star Wars – have you read the Leia/Han stories? You’d love them.” “Mulder…”

“I know. It’s weird, isn’t it? Me and you. Sharing the same guilty pleasure. Are you crying, Scully?”

“No. Yes.”

“Scully, do you have any other kinks?”

“Mulder.”

“I’m serious. You keep me guessing. I love that about you.”

“Well, I do know how to tie more than one hundred different types of knot. Courtesy of my dad. Does that thrill you?”

“Depends where you’re tying ‘em.”

“And I know how to say fuck you in about twenty different languages. Courtesy of my sister.”

“That might come in useful one day. Any more?”

“I seem to be doing all the revealing here, Mulder. You’re not playing fair.”

“I don’t have any special skills. I’m completely boring. You now know everything about me. Fan fiction and all.”

“Mulder, do you ever wonder where we’ll end up? I mean we can’t spend the rest of our lives reading fan fic on stake outs or hunting ghosts and ghoulies. What do you want? Where do you see yourself in five, ten, twenty years? Do you want the house with the picket fence and the 2.5 kids, do you want to retire and do the UFO talk circuit? Do you ever think about the future?”

“I do.”

“And?”

“Scully…I think that’s our suspect.”